the girl in the box; this is an experiment.

I'm exploring a brick in the wall and basically feeling trapped. I can't wake up in the morning feeling good, though I could be depressed, I feel like I'm in a box. My life feels like a box. The joy is already in my life, I'm told. Why am I still looking for it? Somehow, the job I love is also the job I hate though it's the right path. The people I work with spend a lot of time talking about how to talk about the decisions that need to be made. "Should we have a conversation about that?" is usually the intro to what I really think is the conversation that should be "I really don't want to make decisions and live with the consequences of that decision so I will avoid it by having a long, drawn out, often fruitless, civilized disagreement. Aren't I doing the same thing right now?

I want to go to where the breakdown in joy began, maybe.....spent many years and thousands of dollars in therapy: One marriage and 2 children later I'm in the box. Don't lecture me on making choices. It's easy to make choices after you make mistakes. Children aren't mistakes. Husbands aren't even mistakes. Boxes are mistakes.